I can't remember!

What a relief!

I can’t remember the last time

I had to get up in the morning,

shower, get dressed, put make up on and have breakfast

in less than 20 minutes.

I can’t remember the last time

I left the house the dark,

spent 10 hours in the office,

sitting, typing, immobile,

just to leave 10 hours later,

again in the dark.

I can’t remember the last time

I was so stressed and under pressure

that I could not sleep

that I tossed and turned and made myself

sick with worry about a presentation? A report? A deadline?

 

I still cannot make sense

of flying for 12 hours

to amazingly exotic faraway destinations

to deliver a training session of 5 hours

and then turn around and start the long journey back home.

Why? What for?

I can’t remember doing it for the money

or even the career,

Although I loved the praise and the recognition,

I don’t believe I had to do it so busily, so intensively and so robotically.

I can’t remember having pajama Sundays

or lazy days when the snow was tick on the ground

and the children would have loved the break.

I can’t remember reading their school report

 and saying words of encouragement or praising their effort.

I was tough and led by example. 

I can’t change the past

but if I had to do it all again I would like to try and have more fun.

Even in the busiest times

I would do more of the simple things

The walks, the reading, the baking and the laughing.

I would have liked to spend more time just being,

doing more listening an less talking,

more feeling and less fixing,

more present and less future.

I must remember to tell my family

about the new me.

No, not the new me – for I am older not newer!

But I am certainly wiser.

At least all these years are worth something,

What a relief!

Kalamazoo Killings

Should I be scared?

Only 48 hours ago, a man shot dead 6 people in the area of Kalamazoo. The shootings were random and appear to follow no reason or logic whatsoever. The suspect has been described as “normal”, a married man, with a job (he was a Huber driver), hobbies and with no criminal record.

So, out of the blue, after dropping off some customers, he shot a woman in downtown Kalamazoo, a father and a son standing by a car dealership a mile away and later on in the same evening, shot another three victims in a car park of a well-known restaurant nearby.

The number of messages from our friends and family back in Europe was overwhelming and it took most of our Sunday to reassure everyone we are okay and to reassure ourselves that these freak accidents could happen anywhere, right? We must count our blessings and thank our lucky stars for we are alive and well.

As the shock subsides and everyone has gone back to work and to school, I began to feel uneasy. The headlines are clear: we should not concentrate on the fear or hatred but on our compassion for the victims and the love for each other. That is a powerful and positive attitude but how exactly am I supposed to just go on? I keep thinking, the shootings took place less than a mile away from the college where I attend classes, twice a week. I have been to that restaurant, with my daughter, several times. I could have been one of the victims. We could have decided to go out Saturday evening and be, like these poor people, in the wrong place, at the wrong time! Stop! Breathe! Don’t let the panic sit in!

It is just me who feels afraid when I go out today? There is an eerie feeling in the air, as I walk on the corridors in KVCC today, I am sure of it, and yet, everyone appears normal, calm and collected.

I feel I should scream, share my confusion and go around asking people: “Excuse me, should I be afraid?”

This must be how millions of Parisians felt following the massive shootings of innocent people last January and this is why there were massive appeals to the population to come out to the street cafes and restaurants and show the world that love, joy and peace will prevail, not violence, not death.

I wonder if that is what will happen in Kalamazoo. From what I have seen so far, this is a community that believes in the power within and supports one another. So, I am hoping we will soon have a demonstration of our collective mourning, openly share our fears and move on to the future, whatever that may be.

Right now, any future sounds more promising and upbeat than the present.

Thanks Giving 2015

Today is the day before Thanks Giving. Everyone is rushing to the shops, buying food and drinks for the big family gatherings happening tomorrow, all over the country. A lot of people are on the road today. They fly, they drive, some of them for hours and hours to be with their parents, grand parents and siblings. Traditionally, it was to say thanks for the harvest of the preceding year but these days, everyone celebrates the gifts of love and friendship we give and receive, all year long. I feel the buzz in the air and look forward to learn more about the celebrations, the food, the rituals.
And despite being such a family celebration, full of tradition, I am surprised by the number of invitations our family receives to spend Thanks Giving and I wonder if in Europe we would be this welcoming.
We decided to spend Thanks Giving with the Eilers who live "only" 3 hours away in Indiana. and yes, it still feels unreal that we can actually drive and crash with these guys, twenty years after being their neighbors in Chancy, in Switzerland...!
The big day arrived and just like Christmas day, the food in Thanks Giving is excessive and extravagant, the conversations are crossed and semi-stitched because everyone talks at the same time. This is, after all, a rare chance for the family members to catch up on all sorts of happenings, achievements, incidents and health scares. And it warms my heart to notice that no matter the country, language or religion, family reunions are always wacky, stressful, and are much amusing if you have a good sense of humor a couple of glasses of wine...

We came back home buzzing with new memories and old jokes, told time and time again to the patient teenagers who still have time for their parents and their old friends. And our hearts were filled with joy because despite the years and the challenges thrown at us, our friendship endured and like good wine, has improved with the years. Here is cheers to family & friends and new old traditions!

Coming to America

Although I am running out of the door to go to college, I though it was appropriate to share my homework which is a "witness poem" ...and a good way to come back to the Blog!

February 3^rd 2016

Coming to America
Six months ago our life was a mirage
We were coming to America to live
We were taking on an adventure, we said
But aren’t we too old for games?
Will we like the house? Will the new neighbors like us?
Will I be homesick and lonely?
Will I miss my job?
The truth is that life is too short to feel lonely or bored
We underestimated ourselves, again,
our bravery, relentlessness and curiosity,
and how we thrive in the face of challenge.
Six months later, we have routines, favorites and shortcuts,
some amazing stories to tell,
and many dear friends surrounding us,
some new, some old.
But above all, we have new plans
of trips, vacations and more adventures
In this country where we live now
and we are starting to call Home.

And then it was November

I cannot believe it is November already and my last post was last August...what happened?
Well, honestly, a lot has happened and perhaps rather than trying to tell you all in one go, I will update you, little by little, as the time goes on...or at least I will try.

Last weekend was Halloween and here in the USA, it is almost a national holiday. The houses, the shops, Mums & Dads, children of all ages and even their pets get decorated in horrible outfits with lots of fake blood and despicable appearance supposed to scare us. Well, I don't get it. I cannot get into the horror scene and was very pleased to be invited to the neighbors who do not exercise that side of the Halloween celebrations.

What I like is the Fall decorations with the straw scarecrows and wreaths of dried leaves and apples celebrating Earth's fertility and the seasonal collection of vegetables such as butternut squash, sweet potatoes and the pumpkins. Apparently, you know it is Autumn in the USA when Starbucks starts advertising their pumpkin spice latte...a specialty that gets a lot of hype and her been copied by all other fast food chains.

This year, and probably because we moved over, the Fall has been the warmest in the last twenty years and we hope very strongly that the sunny days and the mellow warm afternoons last....

Trip to California

Just arriving to Oak Farms in Lodi, CA

Another State, another view!

We have finally made to the East coast where our ex neighbours and dear friends Tina and Juan live with their children Juancho and Maggie. After living next door to them in Chancy and La Clusaz and travelling together to Portugal and Miami, coming to see them in their new surroundings is like visiting family! 

Despite being in the same country, the contrast with Michigan is striking!  California is dry and bear. It reminds me of Portugal, perhaps Alentejo?

The bar and selling counter of the Winery

We bought some bottles to enjoy later!

Soon after arriving, we went to a local winery where we tasted local Lodi wines. It is customary in American wineries to bring your own food to encourage you to sit and sip their wines  while socializing... And that is exactly what we did for most of the afternoon ...nice!  it was a great beginning to an amazing week long holiday!

Starting to Blog...

about what? my experience and adventure of living in the USA

for whom? to those interested in reading about it, I s'ppose...

how often? I would like to aim to write everyday, even if only a few lines

there is a voice in my head that comments on the things I see, the people I meet and the places I go and this blog is the written word of that voice - welcome to my head!